


Restart

by kittensoo



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-06 00:02:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6728644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittensoo/pseuds/kittensoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So far, Myungsoo had restarted his life twice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Restart

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [InfiniteRarepairFicathon2016](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/InfiniteRarepairFicathon2016) collection. 



> I hope this is not too disappointing. I tried, really.
> 
> **Prompt:**
> 
> Alternate Reality where INFINITE disbands because Be Mine didn't do well. Myungsoo secludes himself from everyone and becomes a famous photographer/actor, then meets person B five years later, who he's liked since forever. This time, that person isn't letting him go.

Silence.

A suffocating silence.

The way Sunggyu is staring at him making Myungsoo feels like he had wronged Sunggyu—and _maybe_ , he did actually wronged Sunggyu. Myungsoo doesn’t dare to look at Sunggyu, feeling burdened by Sunggyu’s stare and mere presence. He keeps his head down, like a kid who knows that he is going to get yelled at by his parent. For Myungsoo, it feels like everything around him and Sunggyu is moving and it is only him who sits still, as still as a rock.

Myungsoo knows that Sunggyu was waiting for him to talk, even though Sunggyu was the one who initiated the meeting. Sunggyu knows that Myungsoo knows what he is waiting for, needing no words for asking the question that he has had for years.

“Hyung—“

He stops talking, suddenly wondering if it is right to call Sunggyu, ‘Hyung’, when it has been so long since the last time they really uttered a word to each other. They are almost strangers, now, and most of it is Myungsoo’s fault. He feels guilt but he couldn’t help but remember the good times when Infinite still existed, the times when he finally truly feels how it was to fall in love with someone and with life. Those times were the most beautiful and painful memories Myungsoo ever had—because Infinite was gone and he was really sure that Sunggyu didn’t reciprocate his feelings.

Sunggyu let out a sigh, finally giving up waiting for Myungsoo to talk. Myungsoo looks up at him as he starts talking, expecting to hear an angry lecture from Sunggyu, but Sunggyu only asks,

“Why?”

_Why?_

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Myungsoo had restarted his life twice, in a span of 25 years.

The first time was when he signed the contract with Lee Jungyeop, marking his first step into the entertainment business. His life changed from studying in school to training in a dance studio and vocal booths. He met new people, people who he had grown to love and the people who he thought of as his family. Myungsoo started to learn on how it felt to suffer, facing the reality of life as he debuted as an entertainer under the name of ‘L’.

The second time was when Infinite was declared as over, because they had become a failure. He still remembered the time when the CEO apologized to them because he had finally given up, when he was told that he was freed and should walk away and find another opportunities. He remembered crying so hard because Infinite was over, because the dreams that he had built since the first time his life was restarted wouldn’t come true, because he had to part ways with the people who had become his brothers.

He had decided to restart his life again—decided not to continue being a celebrity and instead finding another road he could use for his life journey. His dream was not to be a celebrity in the first place, he was the only one in the team whose original dream was not to be in the entertainment business. So, it made sense for him to find another path. He was still young and he still had time to start study again, so, he decided to study photography professionally, while everyone continued chasing their dreams, continue to work hard so they can finally succeed.

So—that was why, he became separated from the others. But it was not the sole reason, it wasn’t that simple. Giving up on something that had been your life for several years—even though it wasn’t that long—was not easy. It hurt, when he had to give up on everything. So, he tried to forget that pain by completely leaving the remains of his second life. At first, he still talked to the others from time to time through chats and calls, but as the days went on, it was hard because every time he talked to them he kept thinking about what could’ve been. As the others got busier and he started his studies, he stopped calling the others and stopped answering messages from them. For people, he didn’t seem like a person who would do something like that. But when he was hurting, he could do anything.

He remembered the last messages he received from each member, the last messages he never replied to.

He remembered Sunggyu’s, especially.

_You know that I like you too, right?_

.

 

.

 

“Hyung. _” Myungsoo called out, poking Sunggyu with his finger, trying to turn Sunggyu’s attention to him. But Sunggyu didn’t budge, his eyes were still in the book—a book about psychology and violence or something. Not something that Myungsoo would read._

_“Hyung.”Myungsoo tried again, this time putting his chin on Sunggyu’s shoulder and pretended that he was reading the book, too, from Sunggyu’s back._

_Sunggyu finally responded, giving him a short response, “Yes, Soo?”_

_“I like you.”He answered without hesitation. It was the first time Myungsoo expressed it, though he didn’t dare to say the word ‘love’ instead because that word seems to heavy. It was totally random, Myungsoo didn’t mean to confess like that but he was bored and when he was bored, sometimes he became as illogical as when he was drunk—so now, he confessed._

_Sunggyu didn’t respond again, though, making Myungsoo wondered if it was a wrong choice to say_ that, _if Sunggyu was weirded out by his confession.Myungsoo’s heart finally beat faster because of panic, but he tries to control himself and just stayed still, waiting for Sunggyu to say something._

_But Sunggyu only said, “I know.”, and then pat his head, not giving him a clear answer._

_Myungsoo took that as a rejection, then._

 

.

 

.

 

Myungsoo wondered if he had restarted his life again when he took a job as a photographer for an entertainment magazine. When he finally graduated from college, he didn’t have any intention to be a photo shoot photographer because it seemed like a boring job and he had always liked taking photos of sceneries more compared to taking photos of people. But after two years of being a traveling photographer, he felt like he needed to settle down for a while and maybe being a photographer for a magazine wouldn’t be a bad job, maybe it would be a good experience for him.

But he felt scared that one day, he had to take photos of his former members, who were all now working in various areas in the entertainment business, some already successful, some were still working their way up. It would be awkward if he had to meet them after such a long time. Every since he got accepted to this job, he prayed every day that he would only meet people who didn’t know him.

And now he was finally in a meeting to discuss his first job, a photo shoot with an artist he didn’t know yet. He found it fun as he and a higher up discussed various concepts, trying to choose one that would be the best. It had been a long time since he had to come up with the concept, so his brain was kind of slow to come up with something.

“So, who is the model?” He finally asked, deciding that he needed to know who the model was before he completely decided on a concept. And plus, he did need to know that. He really hoped that it wasn’t anyone who knew him in the past.

 “I’m sure you have already known him.” The higher up told him, shattering his hope at once. She knew that he was in a boyband in the past, having admitted that she was a fan.

“You were in a boyband with him.” She told him again, shattering his bigger hope that it wasn’t anyone from Infinite, “We have chosen him for you since we are sure that you will be comfortable with him, so you can get used to this easily.”

That was the exact opposite of what he wanted them to do. He sighed, now could only hope that it wasn’t Sunggyu, Sungyeol, or Sungjong, because they would kill him once they saw his once. He was certain that meeting Dongwoo or Woohyun wouldn’t  be as brutal as meeting the other three, because they were too nice to chew him out. And Howon…well, honestly, he never really knows what to expect from Howon. Howon was still a puzzle for him.

“So, who is it?”

His boss smiled at him and said, “Kim Sunggyu.”

 

.

Sunggyu didn’t change. Or at least, his look didn’t change.

Myungsoo stared at him walking into the studio from far away, feeling nervous about meeting Sunggyu again after years. Sunggyu, who was now successful enough as a solo artist, who he had been watching for years on TV but never seen face to face again. There was an unexplained feeling that he was feeling, a mix of nostalgia and longing. It felt like Myungsoo’s heart was going to burst, as Sunggyu approached closer. He didn’t know how to act, but he was determined to act professionally.

It was finally time for Myungsoo to greet Sunggyu, when Sunggyu stopped in his track when he saw Myungsoo. His eyes got wider and smaller—just like how it always was when he got surprised.

“Sunggyu-ssi.” Myungsoo greeted, bowing and gritting his teeth so he wouldn’t accidentally call Sunggyu ‘Hyung’. He tried to sound as cold as possible, not wanting to give away that he was nervous. “I will be your photographer for this photo shoot.”

“Myungsoo?” Sunggyu asks, finally letting out a sound after being stunned. He still looked frozen, like he just saw a ghost. Maybe, seeing someone from their past suddenly showing up did that to people, too.

“Nice to meet you,” Myungsoo said, “It has been a long time.”

“Wha—How—“ Sunggyu stuttered. It was kind of funny because several years ago, Sunggyu had never stuttered no matter how surprised or how nervous he was. He was always composed and Myungsoo envied Sunggyu for that.

“Let’s start to prepare everything,” Myungsoo tries, trying to be as emotionless as possible, “The stylists have been waiting for you.”

“But—“

“I’m glad to work with you again.” Myungsoo cut him, though he regretted it. If this was several years ago, Sunggyu would scold him for being rude. He bit his lip and said hurriedly, “I need to prepare the photoshoot, so excuse me.”

He walked away while Sunggyu was still stunned, feeling that he wouldn’t be able to act professionally for long. He needed to compose himself, before finally doing his job.

 

.

 

He couldn’t believe that his first model in his new job is the person he wanted to avoid the most. It was hard to concentrate on the photo shoot, when he had to look at Sunggyu and kept being reminded of the past. The past, the time when he was so close to Sunggyu, when they suffered together to debut and to succeed. He felt guilty, too, for secluding himself from the others, even if there were other factors, too. His hand was shaky for the whole day and it was hard to be in control for the whole day.

He could see that Sunggyu was distracted, too. Even from behind the lens, Myungsoo could see that Sunggyu was dazed, like his mind was in somewhere else. Both of them managed to not saying anything personal, mostly because there were a lot of other people there and they couldn’t create a scene while they were doing their job. He wanted to wrap up the photo shoot quickly, but he couldn’t do that he hadn’t took several good photos, at least.

It was so hard but finally after hours, he could deem that he had enough good photos to wrap up the photo shoot.

“Thank you, everyone, for your hard work!” He said quickly to the people he worked with. They clapped and then finally everyone started moving to finish their work. Myungsoo had some things left to do, but he quickly turned away and ran away from the room before Sunggyu got a chance to talk to him.

Sunggyu ran after him, though.

“Myungsoo.” Sunggyu called out, running to catch up to him. Myungsoo fastened his steps, almost running. He felt too embarrassed and guilty to face Sunggyu, now.

“Kim Myungsoo!” Sunggyu yelled and Myungsoo was pretty sure that they were making a scene, “Don’t run away from me!”

“Sorry!” Myungsoo yelled out. Sunggyu managed to catch up to him and Myungsoo yelped when he yanked Myungsoo by the collar so he wouldn’t be able to run more. It was clear that Sunggyu was furious and determined to talk to Myungsoo, but Myungsoo was scared.

“Yah!” Sunggyu said, huffing, getting tired from running, seemingly still having a bad stamina, “Why are you running away?”

“Because I’m busy!” Myungsoo said, closing his eyes and then bowed to Sunggyu because he felt sorry that he had to avoid Sunggyu, “Sorry, I have to go!”

He ran again. Sunggyu could only watch him running away because he was too tired to run after him. He didn't want old feelings to resurface and he didn't want to get hurt again, so it would be better to cut everything related to Sunggyu now.

 

.

 

Myungsoo was still thinking about Sunggyu, that night after the photo shoot ended. He couldn’t help but keep thinking about him, even though he tried not to. He couldn’t concentrate on anything, guilt and longing started to kill him. He wanted to hide somewhere, anywhere where he wouldn’t be able to meet Sunggyu. He couldn’t even fall asleep because everything had been bugging him.

He was still thinking about Sunggyu, when his phone rang. Myungsoo checked it and saw that it was from an unknown number, but still picked it up anyway because it might be from work and important.

“Hello, Kim Myungsoo here.”

“Kim Myungsoo.” He heard the caller said, instantly recognizing the voice.

“Sunggyu-hyung?!”

“We need to talk.”

Myungsoo ended the phone call right away, feeling surprised by the sudden call. How did Sunggyu get his phone number? He thought that Sunggyu would forget him right away after today, maybe not find Myungsoo important enough to fret over. But he even got his number just to talk to him. He didn’t know how he should feel—

—well, at least he knew that he was going crazy.

 

.

 

“Myungsoo-ssi, there is someone here wanting to meet you.” The receptionist told him through the phone, when he was still working on editing the photos from the photo shoot he did with Sunggyu.

“Who?”

“Kim Sunggyu.”

Of course. Now, Myungsoo could really tell that Sunggyu was really determined to talk to him. He came here despite his busy schedule. Myungsoo felt bad that Sunggyu had to do this, but he really didn’t want to talk to Sunggyu. Couldn’t they just forget about the past? The past was the past, no matter how much Myungsoo still reminisced about it.

“Tell him I can’t meet him right now.” Myungsoo said.

The receptionist hesitated before finally saying, “…but it’s Kim Sunggyu.”

“He would understand.” No, he wouldn’t, “Please tell him that I’m busy.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Myungsoo said, determined to not get swayed, he put an end to the conversation and said, “Thank you.”

 

.

 

Myungsoo didn't expect to see Sunggyu to still waiting for him when he finished his work. He was stunned when he saw Sunggyu was sitting near the elevator. He couldn't believe that Sunggyu was so determined that he would wait for Myungsoo like that. Sunggyu took no shit from anyone and Myungsoo thought that after being rejected several times, Sunggyu would have had enough of Myungsoo's shit and gave up. But no. He was still here and Myungsoo didn't know if he should feel flattered that Sunggyu seemed to want to really talk to him.

But still, he decided to go down using the emergency stairs instead of the elevator. Too bad that it seemed that when Myungsoo turned his back, Sunggyu saw him because he heard Sunggyu calling him.

“Myungsoo!”

Myungsoo managed to enter the emergency stairs but Sunggyu also managed to catch up to him, stopping him from going down the stair by catching his arm. Myungsoo turned to him and asked, “…what are you doing here?”

“I want to talk to you.” Sunggyu answered, “Why do you keep running away from me?”

“I don’t think we need to talk,” Myungsoo said.

“You know we do.”

“I am sorry, but this is already late, I’m tired,” Myungsoo said, still trying to avoid Sunggyu at all costs.

“I’m tired too, but you keep running away from me.”

Now, Myungsoo felt really guilty.

“I’m sorry, Hyung, I need to go.” Myungsoo bowed again and turned his back, ready to fly through the stairs. He stepped down the stairs quickly but Sunggyu started chasing him, making him start to run away quicker. He felt like a prey being chased, making him wonder if he should just stop being so stubborn and let Sunggyu say something more than, 'we need to talk'.

“Myungsoo!” Sunggyu yelled, clearly angry.

In his moment of hesitation on whether to continue running away or stop to talk, he accidentally tripped over his feet because of his unsynchronized steps. It would be fine, if only he wasn't going down the stairs at that time.

“Myungsoo!”

Myungsoo flew to the bottom of the stairs.

 

.

 

“Are you okay?” Sunggyu asked in concern, “Are you in pain?”

“I think they gave me a good painkiller. I don’t feel pain.”

“I can’t believe you even fell off the stairs to avoid me.”

Myungsoo couldn’t believe it, too. Of course, he didn’t fall on purpose, but he couldn’t believe he broke his arm just because he wanted to avoid Sunggyu. After the fall, he started to wonder why he tried to avoid Sunggyu so much, considering that now he had more losses from doing that and gained nothing. He wondered if he would get fired from work for breaking his arm not long after he started working.

“I’m sorry.” Myungsoo apologized. He believed that he had said sorry a lot, in fact, he said sorry almost everytime he talked to Sunggyu.

“Why? Do you hate me or something?” Sunggyu asked.

Myungsoo shook his head, “No, I don’t hate you.”

He believed that he couldn’t hate Sunggyu.

“Then why are you running away?” Sunggyu asked again, sadness apparent in his voice, “You have been running away from us for years.”

“…I’m sorry.” Myungsoo apologized, again.

“We need to talk.” Sunggyu declared, for the umpteenth time.

“Now? I don’t think I can concentrate now.”

Myungsoo was not lying. They were still in the hospital and he felt so dizzy he wanted to puke. And he was pretty sure that the painkiller made him drowsy.

“Fine.” Sunggyu said, giving up, “Let’s have a dinner tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Myungsoo agreed readily, feeling too sleepy to argue, “You take care of it.”

“…Fine.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“I am sorry,” Myungsoo says, genuinely. He admits that he had been illogical in his insistence in not getting in touch with his former members, even after he realized that it was useless and only hurt him more. He still feels the pain of having to part ways with the people he cherishes, and then he had to bear the feeling of longing—he misses everyone so much, sometimes it felt like it was killing him inside. He couldn’t help but admit that he was the mastermind of his own heartbreak.

Sunggyu surprises him by saying, “I am sorry, too.”

It must be obvious, how surprised Myungsoo is when Sunggyu apologized to him, because Sunggyu almost lets out a laugh seeing how Myungsoo’s expression changes from guilt to confusion. But Myungsoo truly has no idea why Sunggyu is apologizing, because he doesn’t remember Sunggyu doing something wrong.

“I am sorry for not trying to contact you more.” Sunggyu elaborates, “I should have tried harder not to let you just go away from us like that.”

Myungsoo never really thinks about it. He just guesses that almost everyone has given up so they didn’t even try to connect with him. He did try hard to make them unable to find him, hiding where he went and what he did, telling his family not to tell anyone else anything about it. It had been so extreme, Myungsoo wouldn’t be surprised if the others were disappointed at him.

“So don’t punish yourself too hard, because we are at fault too.” Sunggyu continues and Myungsoo doesn’t know how to react to that. It feels so overwhelming he almost wants to cry.

Myungsoo nods, trying hard not to look like a crybaby for wanting to cry so easily, he said, “I guess at that time, we were all vulnerable, weren’t we?”

And immature. Almost all of them almost broke in the face of failure and everyone was so depressed, they couldn’t think straight. But now, they all have found their way again, everyone is happy and nothing is more relieving than that.

“Then now, don’t do something like that again,” Sunggyu says, “Don’t run away from us.”

Myungsoo feels so happy that Sunggyu accepted him again so easily. It would be hard for their relationships to be like what it was, but they could start connecting again, restarting their relationship again. Myungsoo feels flattered that Sunggyu wanted to try to be friends again. Myungsoo is still not sure about what Sunggyu feels about him, but this is enough for Myungsoo. He just needs a restart.

“Aren’t you angry at me?” Myungsoo wonders, not just because he had been avoiding other, but also because he had been rude to Sunggyu ever since they met again. Myungsoo feels so apologetic for that, he feels like he should apologize more, to beg for forgiveness. But he is grateful, too, that he doesn’t need to do that.

“I was angry at you,” Sunggyu confirms, “So now, don’t make me angry again.”

He never really knows why he liked Sunggyu so much back then, he only knew that he liked Sunggyu and that was it. He never thought that love needed a reason in the first place, so he never thought about that. But he remembered why he admired Sunggyu so much. Sunggyu had a way of being firm but also warm at the same time, he could be harsh but he could also be the nicest person Myungsoo knew. He had too many things to admire about Sunggyu.

“Hyung, I miss you.” Myungsoo finally blurts, reverting back to his old self—the one that clung to Sunggyu and everyone else, the one that admired everyone around him and acted like a little brother that need to be protected. He has been wanting to say that since he saw Sunggyu again and he finally says it.

Sunggyu smiles at him and Myungsoo feels the same feeling he feels five years ago, the tingling in heart and the butterflies in his stomach. Myungsoo thinks that he would be able to start a war if it means that Sunggyu would always smile at him.

“I miss you, too.”

Myungsoo giggles, feeling like he almost explodes with happiness. Sunggyu eases himself too, finally touching the untouched drink that has been sitting at the table, leans his body to the chair, and then asks, “How is your arm?”


End file.
